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I feel like I was living in a vacuum. For years I did not want to think about sex… The rape and bad marriage made it all the more difficult to do so. I was trained to think that sex was sinful, and yet to think that in order to keep a man around I needed to give it up to him.
To be feminist meant not “giving in” to sexual pleasures and sex as defined in the media. Even though I felt I was witholding a genuine part of me back. Only now am I thinking about this fully, questioning all the society-inflicted morals, and standards… I do not yet know how to navigate this world. I do not know which path is “best” for me. I do not know what will make me stronger and at the same time more fulfilled.
I feel like a fish out of water sometimes, gasping for air, flopping around, finding peace for a moment and lying still only to be reminded that I am not comfortable on land. How do I get off the shore and swim freely again?
