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I have done alot of reading on this subject and have come to another epiphany. Polyamory is like any other relationship model. I say this because it involves all the good and the bad of any other relationship. Ideally, a good relationship, be it monogamous or polyamorous should involve honesty, care, compassion, communication, respect, appreciation for who each other is as individuals, freedom to be themselves, and growth.
The only difference is the number of people and relationships involved. All relationships are hard, all require work… I do NOT subscribe to the belief that one style is harder than another, or that one style is more “evolved” than another. Because truthfully, I don’t think we are wired to be monogamous and to maintain a happy, healthy monogamous relationship for life is just as spiritual as maintaining a happy polyamorous one.
In monogamy it may be harder to find ways to “keep the spark alive” so you have to be creative. It may be harder to remember that you are individuals and not become codependent. It may be harder to stay emotionally and sexually faithful – but you do it, because when done right, it can be incredibly fulfilling!
In polyamory, it may be harder to make quality time for your lovers and make sure they feel special in your relationship. It may be harder to confront jealousy and feelings of ownership when faced with them head on. It may be harder to develop and maintain a deep, meaningful connection when your life is full with “distraction” or other possibilities.
I still question the path I am taking right now, but I realize that I don’t have to do it forever, that this relationship style itself is not necessarily a recipe for disaster, that I can learn alot by pushing my boundaries a bit while maintaining respect for myself.
Sure, I can probably learn these things and face these challenges in a monogamous relationship. I just think this might be a crash course, and really force me to look at what I think will truly bring me happiness and fulfillment for the long term. Who knows what will happen!?
Maybe I will hate it… maybe I will love it… maybe I will feel neither… Maybe I will just go on with life no longer forcing myself to fit into predefined molds.
To let go and follow my bliss without judgment from myself any longer… with a clearer head and more solid convictions.
